I wrote this post awhile ago. I didn't publish it for various reasons one being I felt petty. However the more events that happen in my life the more this issue of being a mom of one comes up. As my daughter gets older it gets harder to think about starting over, but I also would be so happy to have more so with that intro here is an old post...
It's no secret I love kids. I love playing with them, teaching them and generally being around them. My husband is okay with them. Before we had Joy if anyone asked how many kids we wanted I would tell them I want no less than 2 and my husband wants no more than 2. So sounded like 2 was the answer.
When we started "trying" in 2004 after my graduation it was less trying than just not preventing. Then in September 2005 we learned we were pregnant only to learn less than a week later we had a miscarriage. After that we "tried" and got pregnant fairly quickly. Joy was born in September 2006.
I knew I wanted an age difference of about 3 years. So we waited the 3 years to start "trying" again. Again it was less trying than just letting things happen and not preventing. I suspected I was pregnant in August 2009, but also knew within a couple days I was having another miscarriage.
I was certain after the second miscarriage that it should happen like before we would soon start trying and have our 2nd child 9 months later. God had a different plan.
Why am I sharing this now, well it is an odd story, but something I want to share. I am still wanting another child. We are still not preventing. However, we don't have our second child. I am the only one from my mom group in Clear Lake with only one child. My homeschool co-op has one other family that I know of that has only one child, but they are currently working on adopting more.
The real trigger is today is a friend's daughter's 2nd birthday. What does this have to do with me? It was a girl's night out and this friend, another mom and myself were talking, and this friend (who at the time was the one of two other moms in our group with only one child) stated she wasn't sure what she would do if she did not get pregnant in 2-3 months like they did with their first child. So I knew she was trying and had the thought in my head, how nice it would be to share my pregnancy and have kids close in age with her. Fast forward 2 years and nine months... She has a daughter who turned 2 today. I still have one child.
Jealousy stinks. I have to be honest I am jealous. I am jealous of everyone with more than one child. I am even jealous of those with one child who are happy with the one. I want to be happy with one. I love my one, and I am happy with her, I just feel I would be happier with more.